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| For better or for worst, your family is probably the most powerful team you will ever know. Don't destroy them to ease your pain |
I know that you might be in unbearable pain right now. I know that it looks like the future is only going to be filled more of the same or worse. I know that you think that killing yourself will end it all. But you’re wrong.
Go take a look at your mom, your dad, your brothers and sisters. Check out photos and videos of your friends. Take a good long look at their happy laughing faces.
Now think what will happen to them if you killed yourself. They would never, EVER get over the loss. Most of them would continue living, but their hearts would be ripped apart each time they think of you. Some would be sick at your memory, and have nightmares for years, and start each day with an unbearable pain of loss in their stomachs.
I don’t want to use the word “selfish”, because I understand just how miserable you’ve become, and it seems like that is the only thing that matters. But if you kill yourself, your pain will end, but you will pass it on to so many other people. People you love. Is that what you want to do to your family? To make them feel exactly how you feel now, but without hope of ever fixing it? To cripple your entire family so that you can get relief?
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| Your friends will never view the world in the same way again if you kill yourself. Discuss your problems with them. Use their love to help you. |
I know you can just kind pass over that in your mind. You imagine how you might be found, and what people would think. You might imagine your tormentors finally realising just how much they hurt you. You might even think about a funeral or memorial where people who liked you would say goodbye, with sad, tearful faces and nice comments. But the reality would be far different to what you think. Your funeral wouldn’t be a peaceful dignified goodbye. People might look like they’re coping, but they would be so filled with agony that it would seem almost unbearable to them.
Just finding your body would be a trauma that scars most parents till the end of their days. Because you wouldn’t be looking your best. Your body would be ruined by whatever method you chose. Suicide isn’t clean and pretty and tidy. Even pills or ropes don’t create a painless, clean death. It’s ugly and very messy, and sometimes, kids even change their minds once it’s too late. And that’s the last image your parents (or even worse your brothers or sisters) would have to remember you by.
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| Real grief is not beautiful and tragic, it's agonising and it rips the guts out of people, sometimes for the rest of their lives. Please don't do that to people you care about. |
You’re probably hiding your true feelings from them. Maybe they see you hurting a bit, but they don’t know how down you’ve become, because if they did, they would drop EVERYTHING in their lives, and do WHATEVER it takes to make your life bearable and happy again.
Many families fall apart after a suicide. Brothers and sisters have to go into years of therapy to cope with the trauma; moms and dads are so torn by guilt about not being able to help, that they can’t stand living together, and worse still, sometimes they even kill themselves too. Is that really what you want? Do you want to think of your mom and dad, so heartbroken, missing you so much that even in ten years’ time, when they think of you, some days it hurts so bad that they can’t even get out of bed? Do you want to think of them lonely and miserable for the rest of their lives because of your actions? It would be like a torture that never ends.
Even strangers who you never even knew, will be absolutely grief struck that your young life ended so pointlessly, and they couldn’t help you. You might not believe that, but it’s true.
There are so very, very, very many good people in the world. Far more than the bad people. It’s just that the bad ones have got big mouths and mean spirits, and maybe some of them have focussed on you for now. But they aren’t what this world is about. They’re just a tiny, temporary part of your life. You can start fixing your problems right now, if people only know how serious things have got for you. How bad you’re feeling.
This world is about love, and friendship, and laughter, and joy, and happy times with friends and family, and vacations, and beauty, and music, and clothes, and hanging with friends, and Christmas, and computer games, and sport, and food, and animals, and a million other things that make you feel good. Please, just focus on those things for a while. Get away from your bad thoughts, and concentrate on the good. It’s what you need. I promise you. And if, for some reason, you don’t have those things yet, well they are out there for you to experience. You might need to go looking, but everyone can be part of all that good stuff.
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| Your life can be joyful again. The bad things can go away. You have to ask for help. Ask till someone listens. You might need to let people know how bad you feel. Be persistent. People want to help. I promise. |
But please, trust me when I tell you that once you start talking, and being honest, you’ll feel sooo much better right away. So relieved not to have to deal with all that pain on your own.
The future doesn’t have to be dark. If you can just find the courage to tell someone just how low you’re feeling, you can get help, and you will discover how very many people care about you and how much. But you’ve got to be honest, and MAKE your parents or friends understand what you’re considering.
For goodness sake, please don’t do something reckless in the depths of this low. Do something smart.
Don’t give the haters the satisfaction of breaking you. Don’t destroy the lives of all the people who love you. Don’t take this way out. Because the world needs beautiful people just like you. It really does. And I personally, will be heartbroken to the core if I hear about just one more great kid killing themselves. Truly.
With sincere love and best wishes for your long, happy future.
Mat
