I appreciate that many people are repelled by the thought of the act of homosexual or lesbian sex, but surely that’s such a tiny part of what it is to be gay, and you know what I say – if the thought makes you unhappy, don’t think of it.
Your kids could be the next victims. No-one is safe. It doesn’t matter if your kids are gay or straight – just the suggestion of being gay is enough to provoke campaigns of ridicule unpleasant enough to drive even straight kids to their deaths.
In 2007 Stonewall said,
But here’s the thing that really gets me, amongst some of the toughest populations of males, same gender sex, and even intercourse, is not only tolerated but expected. The term “prison gay” refers to males who, lacking the opportunity for heterosexual intercourse, will have sex with each other, in contradiction with their natural sexuality. And it’s not even frowned upon. Then when they finish prison, they revert to their previous heterosexual behaviour. To me, that suggests that most males are:"The effects of homophobic bullying are not limited to lesbian, gay and bisexual young people. An educational culture where homophobic bullying exists can definitely affect anyone singled out as different. A culture where any sort of bullying exists makes schools unsafe for everyone."
- Complete hypocrites
- Quite happy to put aside negative feelings in favour of sexual gratification
- Make a complete distinction between the physical act of intercourse, and the emotional act of gay love
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| What could be more beautiful than a couple of friends hugging for the pure joy of physical contact with someone they love? |
When people see two guys kissing or holding hands, they get very upset. Affection between same sex couples – scandalous! But this is where I get really confused. Guys love each other all the time. It’s natural. Close friends, team mates, school buddies, comrades in arms – whatever. Boys and men feel extremely intense bonds of love and loyalty towards each other; far stronger than most feel for female friends, and even girlfriends often. We understand each other; we’re there for each other, and there is a non-sexual, but physical relationship that guys have that does not exist with girls.
But if you add affection to that feeling, everyone goes running in terror. Isn't it odd that it's the love that freaks people out most? And that’s what I think a lot of this homophobia is all about - males who don’t understand their own feelings. Because affection is a natural, even inevitable result of love, and love is an inevitable result of close, caring kinship to another person, of whatever gender.
I think that modern society; particularly since the TV age, has stereotyped the gender roles, pigeonholing everyone into these stupid unnaturally narrow gender roles. Conformity has never been so desperately important to youngsters than now, when they are bombarded with so many images of how they are supposed to be.
Boys and men need to get a few things through their heads so that they can drop their fear:
About themselvesi. Love for another male is not the same as sexual arousal. If they’re fortunate, most males will have male friends who they love intensely. It’s a wonderful, important thing; not something to be afraid of.
ii. Affection for other males that you feel close to is healthy, and nothing to be afraid of. Whether you show that in the form of horseplay, a hug when you meet a buddy, or even a kiss after winning the big point, there’s nothing wrong with that.
iii. Physical arousal can happen completely independently of sexual preference. In fact, most boys will find themselves aroused by all manner of things during their lives, most of which they will have no emotional connection to. At worst, it’s momentarily embarrassing, nothing more.
iv. Homosexuality is no more a choice than the colour of your skin. Before pointing the finger, just remember that were it not for the luck of the genetic draw, you could be the one that preferred other males.
About gay males
v. Gay males are not going to try to turn them. They have nothing to fear.
vi. Homosexuality is not contagious, but once in a while, someone who thought that they were 100% straight might discover something about themselves that comes as a shock.
vii. Gay males can have exactly the same feelings of love and respect and affection for each other as straight couples
viii. Most gay males have no agenda, except to be treated with the same equality and respect as heterosexuals
About sexuality
ix. Sexuality is not necessarily fixed throughout one’s life, although, through reinforcement, it does tend to solidify one way or the other as one grows older
x. Most people are not 100% hetero or homo – their tastes change with the situation and with availability of preferred sexual partners
When it comes to feminine traits, society’s discomfort is harder to pin down. There’s no doubt that femininity (which need not even be associated with homosexuality, or vice versa) is probably the trait that most immediately attracts the attention of bullies. I suppose you might argue that in the days when males needed to fight for mates, softer, weaker males were scorned. But as we move into the age of brain over brawn, those old genetic imperatives are less important.
Perhaps it's simply the fact that difference makes us feel uncomfortable. Like meeting a disabled person, or someone with a wonky eye - we don't now how to behave, so some drop to the lowest form of expression, hate.
Homophobic bullying has always been with us, but recently the number of kids driven to suicide by it has grown out of control. We urgently need to change the attitudes that are portrayed in TV and movies, as well as the attitudes in schools and homes.
It’s particularly sad that Christianity, which professes to teach love and tolerance, and which has supposedly left Old Testament fire-and-damnation principles in favour of understanding and forgiveness, is still one of the greatest contributors to concepts morality and acceptable sexuality in much of the world.
I don’t believe in Christianity at all, and I think there is no place for it in schools, but if it must be there, then let’s ensure that it’s the positive, responsible, loving messages of tolerance that we teach, not the bronze-age doctrines of hate and bigotry.
Given the fact that for 95 per cent of the day, we’re all asexual, because sexual preference is not playing any part in our behaviour or decisions (doing schoolwork, watching TV, socialising with friends, travelling, sleeping), it seems to me that to fixate on the gender a kid loves or finds appealing is just so incredibly myopic and ignorant. And it definitely says more about the insecurity and feeble-mindedness of the bigot, than it does about the character or values of the person being hated.
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